Raising the planet’s happiness level

For the past half-dozen years, I’ve donated varying amounts of money to the charitable organization, World Vision (.org). Each year I’m sure to buy a pair of soccer balls. They are delivered anonymously to small villages in various third world nations. Cost, $16.

For the cost of viewing an Imax movie, I can give groups of kids hours of play and enjoyment.

I’ll never meet these kids, nor seen them playing with my gifts, but I trust World Vision and I know the balls will be delivered to kids with next to nothing in their lives.

There will be joy, and happiness, and laughter. I like to think their possitive energy is released into the atmosphere and spreads over us all.

This year I’ve committed to doubling my gift. This year I’ve ordered four.

Have fun kids. For all of us.

Taking TOOK out of your MS

Took isn’t the most evil word to be found in your MS.
But it ain’t great either.
Below are some examples on how to remove took and alter your sentences for the better.

*He took a step forward and peered around the corner. He took in the scene before him. The room was empty. He suspected they were all hiding.

Rewrite:

*He stepped forward, peering around the corner. The empty room confirmed his suspicion that his family and friends were hiding.*

The above *stepped*, which is generic, could also be written as, *He inched forward.* or *He edged forward.* Depending on the exact mood you wish to express.

*edged, peering (not looking or glancing), and suspicion.* These are all mood and character words meant to show you that the character is not pleased. Yet, we didn’t come right out and say it. I would guess this character will quite grumpy or sarcastic when the others “surprise” him.

More examples:

I took a sip of my drink. I sipped my drink.
She took a step toward me. She stepped toward me. (add mood: She slinked toward me.)
He took three steps back. He backed away. (Not: he backed up. Up? Did he just descend a ladder?)

Do a “search” for the word *took* in your MS. See if you can rewrite it. But watch your echoes when replacing words out of context.

Don’t give your characters what they want

Simple. When your character wants something, you, the author, tell that character NO! Then make them earn it, fight for it, struggle to get it.

Write this struggle.

Throw obstacles in their path, throw giant hurdles at their feet, empty the gas tanks on their cars.

Have you seen the Walking Dead? Do those characters ever year the word yes? No! Everything they try to do as a group, the answer is NO. Everything each individual attempts, the answer is NO. They ask each other questions… the answer is NO.

Isolated. Alone. Together. Struggling. They’re never happy, (unless they have a hot shower.) they’re never content, they can’t stay in one place very long. Why? Because the writers said NO to their requests. All of them.

So that’s my tip for the day. (Month? Year?) As you’re writing, tell your character no and write that instead.

Loglines and how they help me focus a story

So I finished a story and sent it to my writer’s group. Four people came back with minor suggestions, the fifth suggested that I alter the beginning, that the middle needed work, and the ending was a bit off.

Needless to say I thanked that fifth person profusely then promptly set out to rewrite my story.

Then I came across this website:
http://twoadverbs.site.aplus.net/logline.pdf

As an exercise, I wrote out the logline for my story.
According to the site, there’s three important elements needed for a good logline.

who the story is about (protagonist)
what he strives for (goal)
what stands in his way (antagonistic force).

Well, mine was missing one. No matter how much I danced around with the words, no matter how creative my mind is/was, I could NOT get all three.

Hence what my fifth reader noticed was off in the beginning, middle, and end of my story. 33% of the important elements of a good story was MISSING.

I banged out a logline for one of my trunk stories. In seconds I had all three, and summarily, what is already a stronger story.

I’m currently rewriting that story, (it’s ancient, so needs a full overhaul) and although I’m only around 10% done, I’m already more confident in it.

Why?

Because 10 pages in I’ve not only secured my logline, but I’ve clearly stated what my character wants, and why he can’t have it. The antagonistic force is in the way, but only that, the antagonistic force wants the opposite of my MC, which is also clearly stated.

This may be elementary stuff, but for me was a real “light bulb over the head” moment.

Thus, I wanted to share with others, in case other light bulbs might be lit up.

Suggestions:
Write a logline for your written story.
Write a logline for your future stories.
If you don’t outline, just logline.

I’d like to refer you to Dr. So-and-So

Recently, I heard it said on the TV show Mad Men that the character, Don Draper, was impressed doctors had figured out a way to make money by not helping their patients.

I believe that’s more of a comment on modern times than actually happened forty years ago, but since I wasn’t alive then I can’t say for sure. I can only comment on my own experiences.

I have a heart… condition? Irregular heart beat? One doctor could hear it when listening through her stethoscope. I was impressed. The other dozen doctors I’d been to couldn’t figure it out, but perhaps this referral will help? I could have cardiomyopathy and not yet know it. I hope that’s not the case.

Last winter, three of my toes got all red and swollen and itchy. After a month of putting up with it, I visited my Dr. (I don’t actually have a Dr., I just see who is in “The Practice” that day.)

I was referred to two doctors. One to test me for arthritis, the other to check my cardio, to be sure my toes were getting blood and wouldn’t spontaneously fall off.

I went to the second Dr. first… No clue, but he referred me to two more doctors. I grilled him a bit, asking why he didn’t know what it was. He says, “I’m not a foot doctor.” In my naivete, I assumed I would have been referred to a FOOT DOCTOR!

Frustrated, and with three appointments lined up, (Scratch that, four, the non-foot doctor wanted me to follow up with him in a month’s time.)  I at last hit the internet in search of – there it is. Result number one. Chilblains. Problem solved.

Now, docs usually say the Internet is not a good diagnostic tool. 50% of me agrees with them. Or at least, 50% of the population shouldn’t use it as such. I imagine it cuts into their business. After all, I promptly cancelled all four appointments after learning my problem was related to the COLD WEATHER and that the cure was moving south. (I will, trust me, I will, as soon as possible.)

Being a doctor is being in business. I guess I should know and understand that. But I just can’t help but feel as if I’m being ripped off. As cautious as we’ve become of the auto-repair guy saying you need a new engine when you go in for a tire rotation, so should be we leery of the doctor who doesn’t cure you, saying you need to see two more – and different – doctors.

 

Finalist – Writers of the Future – 3Q 2011

For five weeks, I was a finalist.
It could be argued that I still am. Or that is a title I can carry forth, adding to cover letters as I wish. I even have a certificate stating that I am a finalist.
But 3Q 2011 has passed.
I’m now an entrant, just like everyone else.

As of today, there’s still a slim hope my tale will see publication. Joni, the contest organizer, informed me the story is being withheld for possible inclusion. This would be more than awesome, but I’m not going to count on it. What I’ll do is get back to writing the next story. I’ll write the best story I can. I’ll try to make it just a little better than the one which garnered my finalist nod.

In fact, as of this morning, I’ve finished the first draft on my next entry, for 1Q 2012.
Now begins the long process of editing and polishing.

Of course, this is all dependent upon my first reader liking the story.
She’s my barometer.
She’ll know if it’s a story to carry forward, or to park and start a new one.
I’m anxious to hear the verdict.

Meanwhile, I once again have a few minutes for extra stuff.
Like blogging.

Fight!

From around 5am to 5pm, with a heavy concentration between 9am and 5pm, I fight.

Sometimes I do well, and my inbox e-mails get down to around 75. 75 is my personal 0. But most times it swells over a hundred and into the buck and a quarter range.

For each e-mail I answer, I receive a reply. During my typing of this, I will receive one or two. (just got 4. Not joking.)

Perhaps the # in my inbox isn’t impressive, but take a look in my sent box. It’s scary. I’m a fast typist, but an even faster worker ant. I process and process and process – then I reply and reply and reply.

However, I’m not sweating in construction under the hot Florida sun… So, I’m off to answer those four e-mails – so I can get four more.