I am an ego-maniacal, self-centered tool. On my wall, next to my computer, is a picture of ME. (I’m not joking.) I love the sound of my own voice. When flipping through a handful of pictures, I only get truly excited when I’m in one and I check to make sure the face I made was funny. I used to make short films… I was in all of them*. And lastly, I love reading what I’ve written. Fiction, non-fiction, even this very post.
Now, the caveats. (What the hell is a cave eat?) I don’t interrupt, I wait until it’s my turn to speak. I don’t crowd conversations, i.e. I’m not a bore. I’m not obnoxious in any setting… I just happen to like talking when invited to do so.
I do comment verbally regarding the coolness of the other folks in pictures. (I’ve read How to Win Friends and Influence People like a dozen times, so I know how to behave.) I just can’t help but feel a tiny buzz of awesome when that pic of me making that nifty expression flips by.
My words, like my filming, are not showcases for the greatness that is me, I don’t believe that everything I write is publishable and why don’t you like it, damn it? You must be mistaken… I’m always striving to improve and can see my own work critically. I just dig reading it – over and over again.
So I ask you, regarding me – is this a good thing or a bad thing? (about the writing, not the picture on my wall) Should I be self-obsessed with my own words? Does this make me a better writer overall? Or am I just too into self-love?
Legitimate question: Do you read your own words with a grin on your face? Perhaps you write them and move on to something else. Maybe you re-read them and pound your fist on paper because they just aren’t coming out right. Do you behave as some actors who can’t stand to watch their own movies because all they see are their mistakes, or what they could have done differently?
I am curious, and would genuinely like to know how you all feel about your own stuff after it’s written. At what point do you like your work? 1st draft, final draft, ever?
So, there it is.
p.s. just so you don’t hate me and be like, “man, I thought that Axeminister dude was kinda cool – until now” the first part of this long blog was meant to be funny, (although, sadly, completely factual) but the questions posed at the end are for real.